Guide to Office Disorders, Illnesses and Personality Types
For anyone who has worked in an office you may relate to these disorders and personality types.
Office Alzheimer’s …when you can’t remember where your office is, or what you are suppose to do…
ADDD… Attention Deficit Desk Disorder….when you are sitting at your desk and you can’t focus on anything because your mind keeps wandering and your stare off into space…
HWMD….Hyperactive Work Malfunction Disorder….When you are all wound up and hyper and you can’t get any work done because you can’t sit long enough at your desk to accomplish anything…
Phonenesia … When you answer the phone and forget where your are, or when you forget who you called…
Computer Schizoaffective Disorder… When you talk out loud, yell, or get mad at your computer..and there are other people present who think you have gone schizo…
Workplace Personality Disorder…When you display many different personality’s at work and you just don’t know who you are, depending on who you are working with and who you are talking to.
Bi Polar Workplace Disorder… One minute your happy, next minute you are depressed..
Narcissistic Office Personality Disorder… this type of psychological personality disorder is characterized primarily by grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy for co-workers.
OARWD- Office Avoidance Redirection Work Disorder..This disorder is characterized by avoidance of ones own work by passing your work onto someone else.
Going Stupid Disorder- This disorder is characterized by the slow progression of stupidity caused by work overload.
Papaphobia – Exaggerated fear of paper and getting a paper cut.
Postaphobia – fear of post it notes
Hyperpostation – When you have been inundated with post it notes.
Worklexia – when your boss tells you to do something, but you can’t seem to do it right because your brain went ahead and processed the directions your boss gave you backwards.
Xerophobia – Fear of all copy machines and copying.
Xeroxenvinytis – Unusual or irrational jealousy of those who can use the copy machine with ease.
Fridaphobia- The fear that Friday will never end.
Weekapation – That uneasy anticipation that comes over you when you realize that it’s Monday and Friday is an entire week away.
AOD or Antisocial Office Disorder – This is characterized by those people in the office that have absolutely no personality and social skills.
FAKINS Syndrome – Faking sick Many people suffer from this syndrome and spend countless sick days because of this disorder.
Office Personality Types
The Phony – Everyone knows the phony, the person that pretends to be nice by smiling constantly while they are talking to you, even when giving you bad news i.e. “I am so sorry that you won’t be getting paid this week but look on the bright side”
The Paper bag – This person has the personality of a paper bag, this person has no social skills, always looks mad and probably counts rubber bands for fun.
The Faker – The person that is always faking ill to get time off, these people usually suffer from FAKINS Syndrome.
The Interrupter – Every office has one of these. These people are constantly interrupting you by coming over to your desk every 5 minutes and never shutting up so that you can actually get some work done.
The Idiot – The person that is just dumb, who can’t figure out their job for the life of them, and constantly need help. Everyone is left wondering how the hell they got hired in the first place.
The Gossiper – Every office also has one of these personality types, the person that is constantly talking about other people and just can’t keep anything to themselves, or keep their damn mouth shut. The Gossiper is usually friends with The Interrupter and The Pain.
The Wanderer – This person is never at his/her desk because they are always wandering about the office.
The Pain – Everyone dreads The Pain, this person just bugs the living hell out of you, you see them coming and you cringe inside. The Pain is usually friends with The Gossiper because it is the only person that can stand them, and because The Gossiper will talk to anyone.
The Boss – This person is not the actual boss but yet tells everyone what to do, and how to do it.
The Know It All – This person knows everything; every office also has one of these. The Know It All and The Boss are mortal enemies because The Boss can’t tell the Know It All what to do and how to do it because The Know It All already knows everything.
The Informer – The Informer is not to be trusted and spreads information that they have heard from The Gossiper. i.e. “Did you here what so and so did”? The difference between The Gossiper and The Informer are that The Gossiper spreads their information from direct sources first hand and The Informer only spreads the information they heard second, third and fourth hand from The Gossiper. The Informer additionally thrives on spreading bad news. The two work hand in hand, they are like Batman and Robin.
The Quarterback – The quarterback constantly passes off his or her work to someone else, and then takes credit for a job well done. The quarter back usually suffers from OARWD- Office Avoidance Redirection Work Disorder (pronounced ORD). This disorder is characterized by avoidance of ones own work by passing your work onto someone else. (see above disorders). The quarterback is usually friends with the idiot and the phony.
The Supermodel – Every office also has one of these types. These are the woman that have a new outfit on everyday, and their only purpose for showing up to work is to display their new look.
The Superstar – The shining star of the office. The superstar is admired by all, and is usually surrounded by a group of office paparazzi who are willing to do anything the superstar says.
The Politician - The politician spends their time bullshitting everyone in the office.
The Weasel - This person is always trying to get you in trouble. They pretend to be your friend and then weasel you. Sneaky and conniving. The weasel is usually friends with the phony.
Lucy – Just like Lucy from Charlie Brown who is forever trying to get Charlie Brown in trouble, Lucy personality types are always waiting to pull the ball, and throw you under the bus.